What to do?

Well i am having a little trouble figuring out what i want to do this Sunday!! I have pretty much made up my mind that i want to get out of Modesto and just go somewhere by myself!!

The big problem is i am a social butterfly and don't ever do anything by myself!! So it makes it hard to figure out what to do!! I don't want to spend a ton of money on a day trip that i am going on by myself!! well thats almost impossible with gas prices!! lol The only thing i can come up with is going to the city!! I don't know!! the beach sounds nice too!! really i could go anywhere!!

What is the point of going on a little trip by yourself? That's a good question that i had to ask myself!! then i realized I am not going by myself!! It will be a father son day!! It will be a day to clear my head and focus on God!! A day where i can dig into his word and maybe even a little blue like jazz!!

I know one big possibility i could go hiking at one of my favorite spots!!

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Life Again

I decided to listen to Decyfer Down and this song Live Again came on and for once i really payed attention to the lyrics and they just kinda stuck out as this is really how i feel and what i am longing for!!

I don't remember the last time I could say
I was where I wanted to be
still you see through this mask
hiding all my flaws
you see something down deep in me...

Bring me back so that I can feel you again
take me to that place I was before
all I want is to hold my head up high
so take this life and set aflame again

Still I linger around
a life unchanged
I just cant break the cycle now
I feel I've lost my hope
trapped in my own mind
break these thoughts that are clouding me.

Bring me back so that I can feel you again
take me to that place I was before
all I want is to hold my head up high
so take this life and set aflame again

Again, Again,
set my life aflame again...

Bring me back so that I can feel you again
take me to that place I was before
all I want is to hold my head up high
so take this life and set aflame again

Bring me back so that I can feel you again
take me to that place I was before
all I want is to hold my head up high
so take this life and set aflame again

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Overwhelmed!! Time to turn to God!!

I have a lot of friends and a lot of stuff that i want to do!! The problem is i am one person!! I am very social and try to make it to any event that someone puts on!! but it doesn't always work!!

One thing that has been bugging me lately is i feel like i have blown off my best friends to do stuff with people that are more of aqatances!! I never want to be at the point i am where i am scheduling in time for my best friends!! I need to be available for them anytime!! I know that if something big happens i would drop everything and be by there side!! But why not be like that for the small things too!!

Another thing i have left out lately is time for myself!! Time to just reflect on what is going on in my life!! Time to relax and just let my body rejuvenate!!

The biggest thing that is bugging me is i have made my life so busy i have started to fade away and rely on myself instead of God!! Yes i have my time with him daily I have not stopped that but that is not enough!! I am laying it out here on Facebook right now hoping everyone reads this!! no matter who i like or likes me I can not get into a relationship with anyone till I get to a point of being able to depend on God for the littlest things!! I can not be a spiritual leader of a relationship if i can not even do it for myself right!!

There was a reason that God allowed me to be bugged and need a little time away from my friends and I believe That it was the message last night at first baptist!! When i Got there and heard the topic I was like why did i come this week? I didn't realize it till I spent a good chunk of time with God last night in bed just unable to sleep cause my brain would not shut off!! The topic was marriage Which if you know me seems like a crappy message to hear at this point in my life!! But really God took the message and communicated something else to me!! Is it possible that i blame to much of my past relationships going bad on someone else!! The biggest thing that got me was the fact that you have to have God as the center of your relationship!! The pastor did his best which in my opinion was a great job on just giving us a vision of how this looks!! He laid his marriage out on the table and just let everyone know what to look forward to and how he fails sometimes but his wife is always there to encourage him and put him back up in the spiritual leadership role!!

I have now three goals for this year and the priority of them changed today!!

1. focus on God more and make him the spiritual leader in my life so that one day i can date, eventually get married, have kids and be the spiritual leader God is calling me to be!!

2. Go to Arizona and visit friends that were there for me in one of the darkest times in my walk with God!! ( I truly love all of you guys and sorry i have not visited)

3. finish reading a book. I am currently reading blue like Jazz and i am on chapter 4!!

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Life What is new!!

Well as most people know i am no longer getting married!! i will give that a big yeahhh!!

I have picked up a couple new hobbies!! Yes my bikes, I have recently bought both a mountain bike and a road bike!! I love them both!! And for those wondering i do wear spandex when i ride my road bike!! Me and my buddy Andy decided that we would ride 100 miles this year!! I decided that i might as well sence i decided to blog about my Ride that i can just post my support letter!!

Here it is!!

Dear (put your name here)

My name is Lawrence Lightner.  I am 22 years old and I am sending you this letter because I am hoping to partner with you and the Livestrong Foundation.  The Livestrong program is designed to increase cancer awareness and raise money for research to cure this disease. There are several ways to get involved on many different levels. Here is a way that you and I can team together to support for the Livestrong program and more important raise awareness of cancer.

I will be riding my bike 100 miles in San Jose, California on July 13, 2008.  I have committed to raise $2,500 for the Lance Armstrong Foundation which was founded in 1997 by cancer survivor and champion cyclist, Lance Armstrong, to inspire and empower people affected bycancer.

More than 1.3 million people in the U.S. will be diagnosed with cancer this year
alone. Three out of four families in America will be faced with caring for a
family member with cancer. My family is one of those families.

I have not had cancer personally but I have been affected by it.  I have lost close family members and friends to cancer.  I remember being in high school watching my grandpa suffer as he tried to fight off the cancer.  I knew he wanted to give up but he fought for me and my family because we didn’t want to see him go.  I have lost a total of three people that I was close to. The thing that is driving me to do this ride though is not the people I have lost but the people that are being affected by cancer today.  I have two friends and one very close family member who have been diagnosed with cancer.

My best friend Andrew Steelman and I are being sponsored by Blameless Clothing.  We are printing custom jerseys for this event.  If you would be interested in some advertisement please email me at Lawrence@jdgrothe.com or if you would like to give a donation to the Livestrong foundation, visit the following website

http://sanjose08.livestrong.org/*/llightner.

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter.  Thank you in advance for your considering helping raise cancer awareness. 

Sincerely,

Lawrence Lightner

Me and Andy are starting to train for this ride!! We are riding on Sundays around the Modesto area so if you are a biker and want someone to ride with please let me know we are always looking for new people to ride with!!

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