One thing that has been bugging me lately is i feel like i have blown off my best friends to do stuff with people that are more of aqatances!! I never want to be at the point i am where i am scheduling in time for my best friends!! I need to be available for them anytime!! I know that if something big happens i would drop everything and be by there side!! But why not be like that for the small things too!!
Another thing i have left out lately is time for myself!! Time to just reflect on what is going on in my life!! Time to relax and just let my body rejuvenate!!
The biggest thing that is bugging me is i have made my life so busy i have started to fade away and rely on myself instead of God!! Yes i have my time with him daily I have not stopped that but that is not enough!! I am laying it out here on Facebook right now hoping everyone reads this!! no matter who i like or likes me I can not get into a relationship with anyone till I get to a point of being able to depend on God for the littlest things!! I can not be a spiritual leader of a relationship if i can not even do it for myself right!!
There was a reason that God allowed me to be bugged and need a little time away from my friends and I believe That it was the message last night at first baptist!! When i Got there and heard the topic I was like why did i come this week? I didn't realize it till I spent a good chunk of time with God last night in bed just unable to sleep cause my brain would not shut off!! The topic was marriage Which if you know me seems like a crappy message to hear at this point in my life!! But really God took the message and communicated something else to me!! Is it possible that i blame to much of my past relationships going bad on someone else!! The biggest thing that got me was the fact that you have to have God as the center of your relationship!! The pastor did his best which in my opinion was a great job on just giving us a vision of how this looks!! He laid his marriage out on the table and just let everyone know what to look forward to and how he fails sometimes but his wife is always there to encourage him and put him back up in the spiritual leadership role!!
I have now three goals for this year and the priority of them changed today!!
1. focus on God more and make him the spiritual leader in my life so that one day i can date, eventually get married, have kids and be the spiritual leader God is calling me to be!!
2. Go to Arizona and visit friends that were there for me in one of the darkest times in my walk with God!! ( I truly love all of you guys and sorry i have not visited)
3. finish reading a book. I am currently reading blue like Jazz and i am on chapter 4!!
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